today i was faced by another episode of the recurring phenomenon that is west point boy.
once upon a time, when i was still dating r., he cheated on me. well really that would be more like "several x upon a time" but who's counting? anyway, once upon a particular time when rick and i were "broken up" i found myself on a train to boston to see rachel during fall break. at grand central, a cute boy sat across the aisle from me. lo and behold, being the friendly people that we are, we started chatting and ended up watching a movie together before he got off in RH (but not before exchanging phone numbers - !!!!) and ever since, he and i have had this on again, off again flirtatious relationship and for a while, i was convinced i was in love with him. maybe i still am... at least in love with the IDEA of him. nervewracking, especially since the rest of me is at least falling in love with the reality of someone else.
love or not, WPB has the uncanny ability to pop in and out of my life, full of compliments and lovey sentiments, whenever i need him. it is the strangest thing, but it seems he has a sense for whenever i need to hear from him. and that is side of him that i absolutely love. but whenever we try to hang out... it fails miserably. and i hate myself for getting my hopes up, i hate him for letting me get them up, and i hate myself for being such a wimp and getting SO HURT each and every time things fail. he was supposed to come visit me a few weeks ago and it fell through and things haven't been put to rights, really... despite a message stating (very clearly) that he would like me for his birthday. uh, WHAT?
does this make me a horrible girlfriend/girlWHATEVER-I-AM-SINCE-WE'RE-NOT-OFFICIAL to J.? i'm on the fence about this. sometimes i need to hear i'm pretty. someone out there thinks i'm pretty - and tells me when my boy does not. have i done anything? absofuckinglutely not. i know how it feels to be on the other end in that situation and can't do that to someone else. but where do you draw the line? is it okay to receive compliments from someone you're attracted to whom you're not dating?
i guess i worry about emotional cheating, but at the end of the day, the person who i tell all my thoughts to is my boy, and not wpb. and i trust him not to hurt me, too, and i can't say that about the other one.
2 comments:
i think, at this point, you have every right to chat with wpb since he makes you happy and giddy. things are up in the air, and you're free to flirt in the meanwhile. if something official comes together, i wouldn't look too keen upon it. it'd show that something was missing from your relationship that you need elsewhere: it's not the kind of love you need. not saying this is the case with j by any means, it just hasn't got to that level yet.
but i'll admit, even though i am happy and madly in love with b, it's still really nice to get compliments from other guys too. it makes me feel all the more sexy/confident and ready to come home to pounce on the man i love.
(btw it is weird commenting in here instead of chatting with you about this! guess i'll get used to it! ;))
oh vey!
I'm glad to hear that you are blogging again! There is a future in this for you!
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