in love with my coworkers.
i swear, it's me and not the tiramisu they bought me for desert after my farewell lunch that's talking.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
a co-worker sent me this... i think it's really interesting.
BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH
The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maineiac [a
resident of the People's Republic of Maine]. While satirical in nature, all
satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is an excellent piece
by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or
of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of
you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the
tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll
point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem
to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of
you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of
noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than
your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing.
If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields
and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush
Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I
could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was
faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official
US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established
that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? Now some of you morons are
considering another and more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that
one!! She wants to take your kids away and let the 'Whole Village' raise
them! i.e. governmental indoctrination .. Look this one up you dumb asses!
The rest of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should
attack Pakistan, a nucular ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make
peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing
that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel
to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give
welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote
to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nucular weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high
school?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got
no idea how hard a sm all number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should
last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as
well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on
NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter Most of you
would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that
were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before t he last
pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still
have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are
smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary Maineiac [a
resident of the People's Republic of Maine]. While satirical in nature, all
satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is an excellent piece
by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and
that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or
something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up
because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or
of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of
you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the
tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners, including record
numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll
point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it doesn't seem
to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of
you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's
increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of
noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than
your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing.
If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields
and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush
Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I
could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be
'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was
faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods,
same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official
US policy before I came into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established
that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you? Now some of you morons are
considering another and more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that
one!! She wants to take your kids away and let the 'Whole Village' raise
them! i.e. governmental indoctrination .. Look this one up you dumb asses!
The rest of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no
understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should
attack Pakistan, a nucular ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make
peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing
that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel
to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give
welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote
to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nucular weapons,
and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high
school?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out
spend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they
weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But
they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got
no idea how hard a sm all number of intelligence, military, law enforcement,
and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this
whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult
fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through
the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should
last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as
well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on
NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter Most of you
would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be
there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's
below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own
wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that
were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got
elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of
it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before t he last
pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still
have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are
smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
Friday, August 1, 2008
human tetris is the most amazing sport in the world.
...ever. i'm sure you'll agree with me.
in other news, i've really been contemplating how much my reactions in certain situations seem to be predetermined by my relationship with r.
for instance - j. disappeared/signed off pretty early the other night, and the next day was friends with a nice but slutty girl from our undergrad. when i was dating r. that was a pretty damn good indication of cheating or at least attempts to do so. now, j. wouldn't do that, and i know this, and EVERYONE knows this about him. he is one of the most trustworthy and loyal people i have ever met.... so why can't i shake the panic attacks that come when i see something like that?
i'm getting MUCH much better - i used to freak out if i hadn't heard from r. before bed, but i can go a few days w/out talking to jeremy and i don't want to rip my hair our. and when i do finally talk to him i'm all excited because i MISSED him, not because i was worried he was cheating and i feel like we must talk now so that i know everything is still okay. i am so proud of the fact that i am not freaking out nearly as much as i used to, but i can't hep but resent with all my being the aftereffects of my last relationship. how is it fair that because of one shitty person, i am forced to question all of the innocent things my new boy does - his motives, his actions, even to the point of obsessing over things he's said because WHAT IF THEY MEAN SOMETHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT FIRST GLANCE?
and you know what? they never do. he's never anything but perfect to me.
in other news, i've really been contemplating how much my reactions in certain situations seem to be predetermined by my relationship with r.
for instance - j. disappeared/signed off pretty early the other night, and the next day was friends with a nice but slutty girl from our undergrad. when i was dating r. that was a pretty damn good indication of cheating or at least attempts to do so. now, j. wouldn't do that, and i know this, and EVERYONE knows this about him. he is one of the most trustworthy and loyal people i have ever met.... so why can't i shake the panic attacks that come when i see something like that?
i'm getting MUCH much better - i used to freak out if i hadn't heard from r. before bed, but i can go a few days w/out talking to jeremy and i don't want to rip my hair our. and when i do finally talk to him i'm all excited because i MISSED him, not because i was worried he was cheating and i feel like we must talk now so that i know everything is still okay. i am so proud of the fact that i am not freaking out nearly as much as i used to, but i can't hep but resent with all my being the aftereffects of my last relationship. how is it fair that because of one shitty person, i am forced to question all of the innocent things my new boy does - his motives, his actions, even to the point of obsessing over things he's said because WHAT IF THEY MEAN SOMETHING I DON'T UNDERSTAND AT FIRST GLANCE?
and you know what? they never do. he's never anything but perfect to me.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
do i look like a computer repair person?
...apparently so.
yesterday the internet went down for everyone with wireless. lucky, myself and the big boss man are wired into the network and don't have to worry about such things, but whenever anyone has a problem it immmediately becomes MY problem and i am expected to fix it.
yesterday was a little more difficult than today, as the cause for the wireless not working is the mcdonald's across the street. apparently they've supersized their wifi hotspot and now we're all on mcdonald's free wireless and not our own network. changing the channel doesn't work, so some of my coworkers are currently storming around the office... sigh.
today's problem was the copier/fax/printer/scanner/minibar (paying attention?) and it won't recognize the new wireless card someone here bought in light of yesterday's shenanigans...
but i fixed it. IP address and all. i know next to nothing about these sorts of things, but right now i'm feeling absolutely brilliant! eat your heart out, bill gates.
yesterday the internet went down for everyone with wireless. lucky, myself and the big boss man are wired into the network and don't have to worry about such things, but whenever anyone has a problem it immmediately becomes MY problem and i am expected to fix it.
yesterday was a little more difficult than today, as the cause for the wireless not working is the mcdonald's across the street. apparently they've supersized their wifi hotspot and now we're all on mcdonald's free wireless and not our own network. changing the channel doesn't work, so some of my coworkers are currently storming around the office... sigh.
today's problem was the copier/fax/printer/scanner/minibar (paying attention?) and it won't recognize the new wireless card someone here bought in light of yesterday's shenanigans...
but i fixed it. IP address and all. i know next to nothing about these sorts of things, but right now i'm feeling absolutely brilliant! eat your heart out, bill gates.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
my father may be the funniest person i've ever met...
...and i didn't know that until yesterday.
my father, the electrical engineer who sits in front of a 4-monitor setup designing circuits all day, is apparently HILARIOUS. i've heard him say funny things before but yesterday and today have marked a new era in my father's humor.
last night my sister was watching tmz, and i walked into the kitchen just in time to catch my dad saying "whatEVER".
which may not sound like the most entertaining thing on the planet, but when you hear it coming out of the mouth of a fifty-something engineer whose glasses rival coke bottle bottoms in thickness... well, new perspective.
and the following conversation tonight:
me: (tearing into a box) my new earrings are here!!!
*rip shred shred shred*
me: (putting them on) they're uh... a lot bigger than they looked.
dad: you look like a hot latino mama.
me: ...
my father, the electrical engineer who sits in front of a 4-monitor setup designing circuits all day, is apparently HILARIOUS. i've heard him say funny things before but yesterday and today have marked a new era in my father's humor.
last night my sister was watching tmz, and i walked into the kitchen just in time to catch my dad saying "whatEVER".
which may not sound like the most entertaining thing on the planet, but when you hear it coming out of the mouth of a fifty-something engineer whose glasses rival coke bottle bottoms in thickness... well, new perspective.
and the following conversation tonight:
me: (tearing into a box) my new earrings are here!!!
*rip shred shred shred*
me: (putting them on) they're uh... a lot bigger than they looked.
dad: you look like a hot latino mama.
me: ...
clearly commies and al qaeda are the same.
Seriously, McCain?
I am incredibly disappointed by this article. I love John McCain, I really do, despite the fact that I am a libertarian and all about pro-choice and legalizing marijuana and gay marriage. There's just something that appeals to me about an ex Vietnam POW with a solid paper trail as far as the eyes can see... however, this latest installment in McCain's political saga has left me feeling confused and a little bit disheartened about my new favorite candidate (I miss you, Mayor Giuliani!)
It's no secret the majority of the American public want an immediate, or at least scheduled, withdrawal from Iraq. And the politician's job security, in most cases, depends upon the public's opinions and desires. Understandable. Fine. I expect to hear nothing but withdrawal from Iraq from Mr. Barack Hussein Obama... HOWEVER...
I expect much more from someone who knows firsthand the results of a half-assed attempt at eradicating commies, or Viet Cong or terrorists.
McCain knows what happens when there's not enough military power behind an invasion - the POWs that are "lucky" enough to survive get hung from meathooks and had their fingernails forcibly... removed... with hot tongs. I kid you not, I have read McCain's biography as well as done extensive reasearch for a project on POW conditions during the Vietnam "conflict". In any case, McCain has seen what happens when a government cannot fully back an invasion, and imho, he should realize that it just becomes a bloodbath.
John Mearsheimer, one of this century's most outspoken political theorists, suggested in the early 90s that in order to liberate Kuwait from Iraqi forces, quick, strong, and decisive action was necessary to achieve a victory with minimum casualties. McCain has stated that he believed that America's invasion of Iraq would closely mimic the above scenario - get in quick and get out just as quickly. Well obviously that didn't happen, but is the next best thing really a planned withdrawal?
Even if it is "safe" to withdraw, I forsee the results going something like this:
-the less troops that are there to keep the peace, the more endangered the remaining troops become
-that prison break in afghanistan - what's to stop those terrorists from taking a hike to iraq to set up camp there, hm?
-THE INFRASTRUCTURE WILL NOT WITHSTAND A PLANNED WITHDRAWAL. if OUR government goes, so does their current non-taliban stance.
-a weakened infrastructure is the best time for a terrorist to sow the seeds of rebellion
I am FULL of word!vomit today but I can't stress this enough - I think McCain is a great person and an intelligent man, but this is just idiotic.
I am incredibly disappointed by this article. I love John McCain, I really do, despite the fact that I am a libertarian and all about pro-choice and legalizing marijuana and gay marriage. There's just something that appeals to me about an ex Vietnam POW with a solid paper trail as far as the eyes can see... however, this latest installment in McCain's political saga has left me feeling confused and a little bit disheartened about my new favorite candidate (I miss you, Mayor Giuliani!)
It's no secret the majority of the American public want an immediate, or at least scheduled, withdrawal from Iraq. And the politician's job security, in most cases, depends upon the public's opinions and desires. Understandable. Fine. I expect to hear nothing but withdrawal from Iraq from Mr. Barack Hussein Obama... HOWEVER...
I expect much more from someone who knows firsthand the results of a half-assed attempt at eradicating commies, or Viet Cong or terrorists.
McCain knows what happens when there's not enough military power behind an invasion - the POWs that are "lucky" enough to survive get hung from meathooks and had their fingernails forcibly... removed... with hot tongs. I kid you not, I have read McCain's biography as well as done extensive reasearch for a project on POW conditions during the Vietnam "conflict". In any case, McCain has seen what happens when a government cannot fully back an invasion, and imho, he should realize that it just becomes a bloodbath.
John Mearsheimer, one of this century's most outspoken political theorists, suggested in the early 90s that in order to liberate Kuwait from Iraqi forces, quick, strong, and decisive action was necessary to achieve a victory with minimum casualties. McCain has stated that he believed that America's invasion of Iraq would closely mimic the above scenario - get in quick and get out just as quickly. Well obviously that didn't happen, but is the next best thing really a planned withdrawal?
Even if it is "safe" to withdraw, I forsee the results going something like this:
-the less troops that are there to keep the peace, the more endangered the remaining troops become
-that prison break in afghanistan - what's to stop those terrorists from taking a hike to iraq to set up camp there, hm?
-THE INFRASTRUCTURE WILL NOT WITHSTAND A PLANNED WITHDRAWAL. if OUR government goes, so does their current non-taliban stance.
-a weakened infrastructure is the best time for a terrorist to sow the seeds of rebellion
I am FULL of word!vomit today but I can't stress this enough - I think McCain is a great person and an intelligent man, but this is just idiotic.
Monday, July 28, 2008
perplexical circles.
mom: so about that blog... can i read it?
me: NO! i mean... please don't.
mom: what if your employer finds it? why can't i read it?
me: (thinking.. you have no idea i was cheated on by my ex... multiple times. and i have no intention of telling you because i already have to hear about how you hated him anyway and i can't bear another i-told-you-so). there are things i've written about that i don't talk to you about and i don't really feel like sharing. and no, my employer won't find it and i haven't said anything mean.
mom: are you writing mean things?
me: no
mom: so i can read it?
me: NO! i mean... please don't.
mom: what if your employer finds it? why can't i read it?
me: (thinking.. you have no idea i was cheated on by my ex... multiple times. and i have no intention of telling you because i already have to hear about how you hated him anyway and i can't bear another i-told-you-so). there are things i've written about that i don't talk to you about and i don't really feel like sharing. and no, my employer won't find it and i haven't said anything mean.
mom: are you writing mean things?
me: no
mom: so i can read it?
and the 7th thing i like the most that you do...
thought - i can't get enough of this miley cyrus song. wich ultimately both disgusts and entertains me. i saw the music video for this song and (if you haven't seen it) it has a ton of teenyboppers in it, holding stuffed animals, presumably from their boyfriends (i use the term loosely) singing along. mostly they just look like puppets with miley's voice coming out of their mouths, but what struck me as odd was that i can relate to the lyrics in this song and so do the little girls in the video, probably... and i definitely can't relate to them. it's a weird feeling.
do i think they have any idea what love is?
no.
do i think i do?
yeah.
...and this, my friends, is why i am so perplexed by the fact that i love this song and feeling kind of selfish and righteous like "HOW CAN THESE CHILDREN POSSIBLY HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE LYRICS MEAN?!?!"
and then i think, "does miley, either?"
probs not.
do i think they have any idea what love is?
no.
do i think i do?
yeah.
...and this, my friends, is why i am so perplexed by the fact that i love this song and feeling kind of selfish and righteous like "HOW CAN THESE CHILDREN POSSIBLY HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE LYRICS MEAN?!?!"
and then i think, "does miley, either?"
probs not.
"perplexical" is all mine.
today i was faced by another episode of the recurring phenomenon that is west point boy.
once upon a time, when i was still dating r., he cheated on me. well really that would be more like "several x upon a time" but who's counting? anyway, once upon a particular time when rick and i were "broken up" i found myself on a train to boston to see rachel during fall break. at grand central, a cute boy sat across the aisle from me. lo and behold, being the friendly people that we are, we started chatting and ended up watching a movie together before he got off in RH (but not before exchanging phone numbers - !!!!) and ever since, he and i have had this on again, off again flirtatious relationship and for a while, i was convinced i was in love with him. maybe i still am... at least in love with the IDEA of him. nervewracking, especially since the rest of me is at least falling in love with the reality of someone else.
love or not, WPB has the uncanny ability to pop in and out of my life, full of compliments and lovey sentiments, whenever i need him. it is the strangest thing, but it seems he has a sense for whenever i need to hear from him. and that is side of him that i absolutely love. but whenever we try to hang out... it fails miserably. and i hate myself for getting my hopes up, i hate him for letting me get them up, and i hate myself for being such a wimp and getting SO HURT each and every time things fail. he was supposed to come visit me a few weeks ago and it fell through and things haven't been put to rights, really... despite a message stating (very clearly) that he would like me for his birthday. uh, WHAT?
does this make me a horrible girlfriend/girlWHATEVER-I-AM-SINCE-WE'RE-NOT-OFFICIAL to J.? i'm on the fence about this. sometimes i need to hear i'm pretty. someone out there thinks i'm pretty - and tells me when my boy does not. have i done anything? absofuckinglutely not. i know how it feels to be on the other end in that situation and can't do that to someone else. but where do you draw the line? is it okay to receive compliments from someone you're attracted to whom you're not dating?
i guess i worry about emotional cheating, but at the end of the day, the person who i tell all my thoughts to is my boy, and not wpb. and i trust him not to hurt me, too, and i can't say that about the other one.
once upon a time, when i was still dating r., he cheated on me. well really that would be more like "several x upon a time" but who's counting? anyway, once upon a particular time when rick and i were "broken up" i found myself on a train to boston to see rachel during fall break. at grand central, a cute boy sat across the aisle from me. lo and behold, being the friendly people that we are, we started chatting and ended up watching a movie together before he got off in RH (but not before exchanging phone numbers - !!!!) and ever since, he and i have had this on again, off again flirtatious relationship and for a while, i was convinced i was in love with him. maybe i still am... at least in love with the IDEA of him. nervewracking, especially since the rest of me is at least falling in love with the reality of someone else.
love or not, WPB has the uncanny ability to pop in and out of my life, full of compliments and lovey sentiments, whenever i need him. it is the strangest thing, but it seems he has a sense for whenever i need to hear from him. and that is side of him that i absolutely love. but whenever we try to hang out... it fails miserably. and i hate myself for getting my hopes up, i hate him for letting me get them up, and i hate myself for being such a wimp and getting SO HURT each and every time things fail. he was supposed to come visit me a few weeks ago and it fell through and things haven't been put to rights, really... despite a message stating (very clearly) that he would like me for his birthday. uh, WHAT?
does this make me a horrible girlfriend/girlWHATEVER-I-AM-SINCE-WE'RE-NOT-OFFICIAL to J.? i'm on the fence about this. sometimes i need to hear i'm pretty. someone out there thinks i'm pretty - and tells me when my boy does not. have i done anything? absofuckinglutely not. i know how it feels to be on the other end in that situation and can't do that to someone else. but where do you draw the line? is it okay to receive compliments from someone you're attracted to whom you're not dating?
i guess i worry about emotional cheating, but at the end of the day, the person who i tell all my thoughts to is my boy, and not wpb. and i trust him not to hurt me, too, and i can't say that about the other one.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
welcome, i suppose?
here's my blog... dr. d seems to think i'd make a great professional blogger and i twitter with such frequency that i thought perhaps it'd be worth a try.
i suppose the custom is to tell you a little about myself... there's not much to tell, really. i'm a 22 y/o soon-to-be 1st year law student, self-proclaimed shoe addict, and someone whose brain works a little too hard for her own good. i constantly think about EVERYTHING, and lately EVERYTHING has been a little something like my boy + moving to school + shopping (always shopping). right now i'm working as the office coordinator for an environmental consulting firm, which involves lots of filing - and consequently, lots of time to think. sometimes i feel like i start off the day as a full tower of jenga blocks and by the end of the day i've spent so much time taking pieces out and examining them that just a little nudge will topple the whole thing. or a pile of pick-up-sticks, but that metaphor was a little too difficult to think about while trying to pay attention to american dad.
22 is probably too young to be feeling like a clock is ticking, but ticking it is. i've spent so much of my life counting down to things - when i was dating rick, i spent 3 years counting down to visits to pgh, his visits to my house, the weekends. i counted down to my 21st birthday. we all had a countdown to aphi's installation, to our graduation, to indiana jones, to batman, to the last day of classes, to finals, to summer... my life has just been full of countdowns. and now i'm finally at a place in my life where i want time to slow down or stop completely and my brain is just ticking away, counting down to the end of summer, to moving to law school, to seeing j... and i am at once terrified and exhilarated. i guess a little bit of a back story is in order... i'm obsessing a little right now because i've been dating a guy for the last 3 months and he is WONDERFUL but we'd agreed to see each other for the summer and then reassess our relationship before i move... well i'm moving on the 10th so that reassessment is sneaking up on me. for the first time in my life i know i'm dating the nicest man i've ever met and i would do anything not to lose this... but i'm feeling a little helpless and have been spending a good deal of time obsessing. i'm in limbo with the clock ticking and don't know whether it'll be heaven or hell at the end. it's terrifying.
i suppose the custom is to tell you a little about myself... there's not much to tell, really. i'm a 22 y/o soon-to-be 1st year law student, self-proclaimed shoe addict, and someone whose brain works a little too hard for her own good. i constantly think about EVERYTHING, and lately EVERYTHING has been a little something like my boy + moving to school + shopping (always shopping). right now i'm working as the office coordinator for an environmental consulting firm, which involves lots of filing - and consequently, lots of time to think. sometimes i feel like i start off the day as a full tower of jenga blocks and by the end of the day i've spent so much time taking pieces out and examining them that just a little nudge will topple the whole thing. or a pile of pick-up-sticks, but that metaphor was a little too difficult to think about while trying to pay attention to american dad.
22 is probably too young to be feeling like a clock is ticking, but ticking it is. i've spent so much of my life counting down to things - when i was dating rick, i spent 3 years counting down to visits to pgh, his visits to my house, the weekends. i counted down to my 21st birthday. we all had a countdown to aphi's installation, to our graduation, to indiana jones, to batman, to the last day of classes, to finals, to summer... my life has just been full of countdowns. and now i'm finally at a place in my life where i want time to slow down or stop completely and my brain is just ticking away, counting down to the end of summer, to moving to law school, to seeing j... and i am at once terrified and exhilarated. i guess a little bit of a back story is in order... i'm obsessing a little right now because i've been dating a guy for the last 3 months and he is WONDERFUL but we'd agreed to see each other for the summer and then reassess our relationship before i move... well i'm moving on the 10th so that reassessment is sneaking up on me. for the first time in my life i know i'm dating the nicest man i've ever met and i would do anything not to lose this... but i'm feeling a little helpless and have been spending a good deal of time obsessing. i'm in limbo with the clock ticking and don't know whether it'll be heaven or hell at the end. it's terrifying.
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